fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
