I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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