So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
