Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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