I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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