he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
