This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
