'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
