you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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