My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
