On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my mouth tastes like poor choices
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
