ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
