talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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