when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
