I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
