It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
