yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
