i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
