rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
