ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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