Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
