You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
