Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
