You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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