Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
