he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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