He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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