this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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