I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was like eating out sand paper
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
