Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
