were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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