and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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