Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
