How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
