drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
