Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
