fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
