Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
