so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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