I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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