Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
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We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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