Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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