walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
