pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
is this the sara with the beer cane?
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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