I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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