Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
