The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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