You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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