you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
