you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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