Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
