Ambien. No doubt about it.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
