So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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