so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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