I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
