Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
