my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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