FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
