3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
