you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
