but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My vagina is officially offended.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
