your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize