when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
