whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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