Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
