I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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