He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
